Week Seven — Opps!! I did it again. :p

Wow!! I Honestly didn’t think this diet would be the kind of challenge it is for me. I am learning lots!! Enjoying it and thankfully being very kind to myself. I am still on day one, I got to day two once.. Which I’m viewing as awesome!!

I am thoroughly enjoying scroll 2! I see a lot of people most days, I enjoy greeting them in silence.. I’ve also found that I am more freely telling people that I love them, something I used to do often. It feels good. I like the analgises, building love bridges, using love as a shield. Often I’ve found my self imaging a bridge connecting to a person and love flowing across. This has been both helpful and fun. Today I also activated my shield for protection.

I am also delighted to say, as challenging as this week has been, it’s been a great week!  I’ve been feeling much happier, everything has been more enjoyable.

My observations over the week have been:

• I get a lot accomplished
• I am happier to do things I once dreaded
• I am more eager to Craft and Paint with my kids
• My house is cleaner
• I smile more
• I see the humor in more things
• I am much nicer to myself, more understanding
• I have a pretty awesome sense of timing (this one is HUGE!)

Best part of all this is: I’m seeing these things and we have all been fighting a cold in my house, we have all been pretty off our game. I am so happy I embarked on this journey, living by the compass has been much more fulfilling then the clock. I wasn’t sure I was going to do this well with living with out my watch seeing as almost everything to do with my life is tightly scheduled, I just added a few more alarms in my phone and gave the watch to my kids for the week (They are LOVING that lol)

Starting over with my diet and catching my opinions has been enlightening.. I’ve learned that some of my opinions are not what I expected, for instance, while talking with a close friend I noticed my opinion are to up lift when she is being down on her self, Tell her how I view what she just said about her self, and how I felt it is inaccurate and proceed to tell her what I see… Now we have always done this with each-other. Well I guess most people do. I just realized how often I do this. In this realization, I have started to try to curb this opinion giving by just saying I love you, or something I love about the person, after all I feel I am an expert in the field of why I love someone…

Week Six – The Rivers of my eyes

So I’ve noticed I cry more often, I am very hard on my self, and I often feel like dirt…

While reading my DMP last night. My thoughts were the following:

When are you going to do that?

It’s been six weeks shouldn’t you actually be doing that?

Ha dream on! You’ve been trying to get that for 6 years it’s never going to happen!

Congradulations you have actually started doing something that you put here. Too bad it’s a sad cry for actually bringing you what you really need. 

I do replace these thoughts with positive ones or just re-read my DMP, I also realize this is my old blueprint fighting back hard! I struggle with attaching positive feeling to my thoughts (which activates my eye rivers) I’m starting to fear it’s been so long since I’ve been happy that I no longer really know what that feels like…… My days are getting busier with my children’s things which leaves me less time to do my MKMMA stuff, like this movie board… (Which scares me) I’ll get it done, it’s just I read how most people are having fun and enjoying these activities and I’m tired and stressed out and feeling more anxiety and panic then I did before. 

When starting this MKMMA I did not at all fore see any of these feelings….. I guess…. I was further gone then I thought. 

I’m not going any where. I’m in this for the long haul, I need to be the better happier, master of my thoughts Krystal that I used to be… Only with the teachings the MKMMA give I’ll be way more then the happy girl I once was. 

I have to share this when I met my husband I remember him saying to me “you know you can’t always get what you want.”

My response was somethig like ” ha ha ha, well I can…..” 

That’s who I want to be again 😁

Week Five – Crazy Town

No Opinions,  Okay; piece of cake!!! For three days. ha ha ha.

So a while ago I started holding back my opinions, cause in most cases what is it of my business?  Why should I bombard someone else’s walk with my opinions? It drives me when people do that to me.

First thing I did notice the opinions I TELL MYSELF, that I THINK about my self, they are awful and hurtful, no wonder I’ve been feeling so off for so long. OMG Controlling / banishing them UGH!! It’s been a teary rough week.  Honestly the amount of crap that was flung my direction was incredible!  Pressure tank broke, Child sick with strep, A pile of soul work, house work, laundry, and work, work everyday, then the furnaces decides to STOP heating the house! It was like -3 or -5 that night, now that’s really not that cold but seriously!!!! I was freezing! My brain is screaming THE KIDS!

So between fits of sheer panic because I should be writing a press release; that for some reason keeps activating panic and anxiety, fixing up my DMP, and everything stated earlier, NOOOO I’m sitting on the floor with a massive drooly snout in my face (dog) as I’m watching the blinky light on the furnace to see if it will reset and start.  And my entire week was filled with random drop everything and deal with this NOW!

Last night I was at my weakest, and my mental self bashing was at a high… I sat in my bed and cried and cried…..  Crazy enough you know what kicked my ass back into gear?

This thought    Krystal just give up, be done it’s too much….     Tears stop…… I sit in silence ( except for the furnace that hubby finally got working again)  I reach for my Cards and all my nightly reading material and literally say out loud.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT!!!   I’m finishing this….. I don’t have a clear picture of how, but this is happening!

I have also been struggling with my sit. This weeks visualization, I cant seem to hold the image/ scene in my mind, nor pick a solidary location, it jumps and phases between three.. actually last night I got it down to 2.

So far this has been possibly my toughest week apparently outward opinions are easier for me to not say and really think, but the internal ones they are tough! Fear not! I will come out on top… I was not always so hard on myself.

Week Four – Muddy Water

Oh Man!! This week has been rough! WOW…..

Yet as hard as it has seemed, I am working through it everyday little pieces at a time…. This week has also had some pretty amazing happenings as well…

So I have learned,  or should I say re-learned, that unless you reach out and ask questions….. how else can you learn?  I have had some really good insights writing with my guide, whom is so very helpful! In what seem just the right way, when they say they will not give you the answers they are very serious, and I really like that! They help you think and open closed up spaces, or things you are hiding from your self…..  So very enlightening.

I like to focus on the positive, that being said most memorable moments for my week.

In my roughest moments, my hubby has been so amazingly supportive!! With all the right things to say…. that both remind me how we are here today, and how we will be together years from today…

Manifesting……. has been coming more naturally again as well in small ways, parking spots, plans, activates.  This week was our youngest birthday, we were discussing what we wanted to do for her this weekend as a family….. I said something FUN… So the conversation was left at I was too look up ideas on the internet……… lol ( It was to be one of those crazy running around all day, kind of days) So while I was driving around with my youngest all day trying to think of what she would find fun….. Just before I was about to google ideas for our area, and BAM I get a message being invited to the most perfect fun activity! I couldn’t believe it!! So plans are now all set it literally took one evening to plan out most of the details, and the rest was finished today!

I find it quite confusing to have such great experiences yet still be confused in other areas, but I am completely faithful to building my new habits, it’s only going to get easier and easier with each repetition!

Week Three – Streatching

This week has me feeling stretched to the max……….

I have connected to our 15 sit so well, I was so sure that is what I would have had the trouble with…… but no.  It’s the most exciting part of my day.

During the day however I feel like I am running around ragged just barely getting things done, and I write everything down….. When I look at my day my thoughts scream “It’s JUST reading!!!”  “What is your problem why do you always feel rushed?”  But I do…. I feel lost yet also very directed….. Flustered, yet happy……….Driven in two directions……..           I am defiantly feeling a little chaotic.

Even though this is my reflection of my week to date.

This is not what I am focused on.

I have noticed very subtle shifts.  I talk more with my children, less “at them” , I’ve been able to sit with my children and do things they want, also they are taking the lead again in play, which is really nice; cause anyone who has more then one kid knows a child who just sits there and waits for you to start the play is torture! (well at least it is for me)

Also Tuesday morning, my worst (work) nightmare became a reality!! For 3 years, every long weekend, I have had the same anxiety about the Tuesday morning work, and for three years when I think these thoughts, I would sit and imagine the morning the way it should be……. not the disaster that recurs in my mind…  So Tuesday morning. DISASTAR strikes! (oh and it was the first time I didn’t have the anxiety AT ALL)

When I woke up that morning almost 2 hours late!  As I was scrambling around to get ready as fast as possible, I said to my self “TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!” I kept repeating it and repeating it as MORE things, that would generally have me beaten into submission, KEPT HAPPENING!

Tuesday was a pretty awesome day after all. A) We all survived! B) I still got a lot of what I had planned to done!

I choose to stay directed, determined, and laser focused; I choose how I felt!

Week Two ” The OLD Blue Print”

Today, I had a deep experience, surrounding a new EXCITING recognition.

So this week has been busy and rushed, which has had me frazzled, struggling to finish my “soulwork”, I have this panic that; I am going to fail! Week two and your not going to do it!  So I went out to get some fresh air to help clam my self down……

Out side now. I’m standing and like a smack in the face it strikes me!!!! I am allowing my OLD BLUE PRINT, (way of thinking) Back in!!! Well instantly charged with understanding, standing in the dark on my porch, I find my self almost yelling; ‘I will finish this! I can do this! I have not failed, I can Finish this tonight.’

Guess what I did! Tonight I kept my agreement, I finished what I am going to call my “soulwork”, It feels GREAT!

Week 1 – Grapes

Og’s Imagery of the vineyard, and consumption of the grapes spoke volumes to me, as a child I always used to imagine the seeds of the fruits I ate growing into little plants in my belly. Og’s imagery seeded itself perfectly in my mind. Do you ever notice how the most simple concepts seed if you can relate a little memory to them?

I am even more excited here so near the end of my week then I was in the beginning, I feel like every obstacle was tossed in my path and I forged on with new thinking and stomped all over my thinking the moment I recognized it!

I am still amazed at how much my thoughts get away from me… And here I thought at the beginning of the week I have a pretty good handle on my thoughts; after all I’ve been training my brain on my own for four years. I think a more accurately I was more aware of my thoughts.

Week 1 – Awe Struck

I started this week super pumped and excited! It took a lot, for me to not jump to the printer and get started on everything that we were assigned. (I have three children and a child-like blue tick coon hound, whom all desperately needed my attention, apparently). Hours later back at my computer, printing everything off and plugging away at my tasks; is about the time that what is expected of me set in and I PANICKED!!! Lol just for a bit ‘giggles’

That pesky old blue print trying to force its way back on top!

First three days were huge adjustments, for me I felt rushed and panicky that I was missing something or doing it wrong, if I missed a reading due to my children needing me, I would fret till it was done…   Then Wednesday hit, and some sort of calming came over me I sat down and giggled to myself. My harmony hit. I got this now! Even funnier the one thing, I was concerned about Sitting Completely Still, I am the mother to three young kids! I am still when I am sleeping! Well it was the easiest task of all!!! After my first 15 minutes, I reflected in awe at how easy it was, how it even flew by didn’t at all feel like 15 minutes.