Trudging Through the Tough Stuff

So I am no longer sure what week we are in the continuation, but oh man I have seriously fallen off the wagon….

Fall-off-the-wagon-cat
It bothers me that sometimes is spelt wrong…. Not very yellow of me I think

 

 

A Little disappointed in that but I have been in contact with my mastermind, it’s about the only thing I’ve been able to keep up at a similar pace…. Reading has been on a all time low, so have the sits… these are the things I am not proud of..   All that being said I still firmly believe in this new way of being…. I’ve allowed my self to become so consumed by finding a new place for my family to live…. ( as a necessity we are to be out of this house by May 31, and have yet to secure a place all circumstance, by that I mean I don’t know how I have created this into being my reality) I pack, and search the internet almost daily, Oats is working pretty well for me, on the days I stick to it…

I had a rough two days of tears and fears…. my mastermind and really good friend totally had my back, thank you; you all know who you are.

So full plate, I have a very full plate……. lol and it’s a bumpy ride I’m currently on.  I can’t help but observe, how what is going on right now wasn’t something I was focused on…. Actually quite the opposite to be honest, but some how this house shopping feels like a crazy maker, the ups and downs the fears the amount of TIME it’s taking!!! lol I try to laugh at it…. but man it’s not always easy at the moment….

My 6 year old and I were having a heated conversation past her bed time, and I was listening to myself yell at my baby, and tried to stop but just couldn’t so I took the route of yelling how it’s not that I’m mad at her… It’s that I’m not controlling my emotions as good as I can… So through watery eyes she says, “so your flustered?” I smiled and yelled yes. lol  Then frowned more at my self for still not controlling my volume.. as we talked on I did start talking normal again, and she said something else…. She said I was getting better.

Through out this whole Mkmma Journey I have been explaining to my children that all these things I’m doing it’s so I can be an even more awesome, fun, exciting mommy. But that’s it’s hard work and I needed their understanding that these times are for me where I HAVE to be alone in quiet…… Now that I am logging todays observations I am realizing with all this packing, purging, and searching, I haven’t been making time for my new better serving habits…. I need to do those things, I like who I am when my new habits are being fed..

I love how aware I am now, how much clearer I see to the truth of a matter…. I know what I should be doing, now I guess I just have to DO IT NOW!!!!!    Thanks for reading!!

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Week 30 — Random Scroll 7 Thoughts

So other random ramblings, this months scrolls… Which I am throughly enjoying, though I don’t know if Og would have set out to have these thoughts running through a persons head upon reading his book. 

In the first paragraph it is written “No living creature can laugh except man. Trees may bleed when they are wounded, and beasts in the field will cry in pain and hunger, yet only I have the gift of laughter and it is mine to use whenever I choose.”
This is literally the beginning of the scroll and this little bit always stays with me….. So here are my random thoughts on this matter.

If love, joy, happiness, and everything positive, which I allot laughter into “everything positive”…. I think animals have their own language the same as the human race, has many languages, and I speak english so I do not understand someone speaking dutch, or french… but they can laugh….. plus I have lived out in the country long enough that I have herd some wild, domestic, and farm animals make some really interesting sounds. but lets just focus on the cattle that live just down the road. I have listened to them make some real odd sounds, and then witnessed other cows, walk over to the cow making the funny noise.. Much like a people being drawn to other people laughing.

So then my thoughts go back to languages, I have a friend and co-worker who is amazing with horses, I was listening to her talk one day about how she can look at a horse and know its breeding, she can tell what breeds have been mixed, then upon spending time with the animal she can walk away and let a person know how easy this horse will be to break, or what it would best be used for. So in essence, my friend may not speak “horse” but she defiantly has an understanding of horse language, even if she wouldn’t think to put it into those words..
I also have honestly thought at times my dog was laughing at my kids when they do something silly…. 
So I’m jumping the fence I think animals being their own race of a type of being with a soul, could totally have their brand of sense of humour. and their own type of laughter that I don’t understand..  
Not that I think Og is wrong in his writings I believe he gets the point across beautifully we must laugh, at our selves, situations, successes, everything….. It is a proven scientific fact that laughter heals. That most of the population needs to exercise their ability to laugh more, life shouldn’t be as serious as we are all creating it to be… 

Contituation Week 3 — Random Thoughts

Some thoughts that I’ve been having since week 26.. While trying to think of blog topics.First new friends people I’ve only known for about 6 years or so have been saying to me, Wow Krystal thats really random? Where is this coming from, or What made you think of that? (All this in a positive manner)

One night while sitting and reflecting on a comment about my randomness of some thing I said, and thinking….. That really struck them as odd???😳  Then later in the evening I was talking to a close friend from high school, and I left him a message on his answering machine a few days earlier, where all I remember was being my old sarcastic self that he would remember from our high school days…. His comment was something along the lines of how happy he has been for me, that he totally sees a difference in me… He hears, more of the old me. It was eye opening to listen to his thoughts on the differences he notices in me… He even made validating points on his perception on how I was in high school. I had stated in my PIF application and numerous times I was joined this group and embarked on this journey to “find missing pieces of my self”; My friend in just one conversation was able to verbalize parts of my personality the way I presented my self and how I spoke to people in words I would have never thought of using.

All his interpretations were positive, where all interpretations of the same parts of me have not been expressed in such a positive manner…. So our conversation like most of our conversations ended with one of our phones dying. But I was left feeling better; feeling a much deeper sense of love for both myself and my friend… I love how everything comes at just the rights moments. I totally needed to hear his thoughts, and perceptions.

Continuation  Week 2– Turbulence!

So since commencement, I have not been doing as well as I thought I would be.. Which is fine; some things I have been doing great at. So I have been taking stock of where I am maintaining and where I need to be more diligent.
It’s hard to stay on track, but I am going to keep plugging away at my new habits.

I have been good with communicating with my master mind group for support, though I did realize that I had to be more open with where I am… So I did I went in one afternoon and expressed all my woes and hold backs and how I am struggling against my old blue print and myself trying to figure out how I am bringing this all into manifestation?

I will own that some part of this is my doing as well as possibly others around me bringing it into reality as well… But geeze! I’m feeling very overwhelmed with my life…
I feel a bit like my old blueprint, has taken over and my new blue print is screaming in the background…… Like I am constantly hearing you got this girl you know what you should be doing Do IT Now!!!! Do it now…. Why aren’t you doing it?
So I express these things to my master mind group, and Kelvin is the first to respond with some sound irrefutable logic, on how no I may feel derailed and off and like I’m losing, but I do got this! I do have the tools and education to get through this, I know my own power, I just need to start recongnizing it and acknowledge that it is with in me already.
Danny was next up with a very valid point of I am not utilizing OATS.. and I should be… That is not at all what he said though… He asked if maybe I should re visit OATS and re familiarize 

Week 25 (26) – Self Assement 

After my read and sit I have decided I need to sleep on my thoughts some more and I will be up dating this post tomorrow… Thank you for your understanding 

Well I forgot tomorrow NEVER comes!!! Lol

So My thoughts from the last week of mkmma were all confusing… everyone acting like this was the end when I saw it as just the beginning of the tough parts being so much more self motivated and left for longer peroids to stay on track…….